Chappell Shooting Star Roan
how it felt when Chappell agreed that boys suck and she'd never tried girls either ;)
This past summer my partner and I planned a whole (pretty spontaneous!) holiday around seeing Chappell Roan’s headline spot at Rock en Seine Festival in Paris. We didn’t want to go to Reading and/or Leeds alongside the droves of school leavers, fresh A level certificates in hand and so, the glamorous option of going to Paris instead was a no brainer. We had an absolute blast. Every moment of our time in Paris felt magical. It was as if, for our few days in the French capital, the stars aligned just for us. We needed a place to eat dinner after a day of exploring, well of course, we stumbled across the cutest yummiest Thai restaurant on the very next street. After spending several months searching for the perfect colourful beaded necklace, a tiny very easy to miss makers market, provided one at a very reasonable price! Those were the vibes and, of course, Chappell’s Visions of Damsels & Other Dangerous Things Tour topped everything off spectacularly. We’d watched the livestream from Primavera earlier that summer and I’d followed every single one of Chappell’s tour looks, as well as avidly keeping up with the highlights from each show, on socials as she made her way across Europe. But still, nothing could have prepared me for the magic of being in a crowd of 40,000 people, every single one of them screaming the GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE bit of Pink Pony Club and doing the Hot To Go dance harder than anyone has ever hot to go-ed before.
Last autumn I saw two of Chappell’s three Midwest Princess Tour shows in Brixton (London) and the year before, I was in the crowd for Chappell’s first ever international headline show at a tiny venue in Highbury and Islington called the Garage (capacity 600). I remember walking down the road from the train station to my flat whilst trying to buy a ticket for the Garage show. I was having trouble adding two tickets to the basket but when I tried adding one, it let me and it cost £13 (what the actual fuck). I thought my partner wouldn’t mind me going alone given the show was mid week and she’d be sitting exams then. Thankfully, I was right and it seems I got the last ticket to see Chappell Naked In London! A few months later my partner and I saw Chappell for the first time together at Heaven, another tiny venue in central London.
In Paris, as the live arrangement for Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl started with the big expectant intro, the crowd roared with pure unfiltered excitement. We all waited for our first sight of Chappell, anticipation hanging thick in the Parisian air, a sea of pink cowboy hats, glitter and rain macs. As soon as I saw her, tears started streaming down my face. Those tears continued, pretty much unconsciously, throughout the entire set. The access live music has always given me to my emotions is pretty spectacular, but in recent years it’s reached new heights. I’m almost embarrassed about how much I FEEL when I go to see an artist I deeply love. And I DEEPLY love Chappell and her artistry.
When Chappell released her debut album The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess on 22 September 2023, I was awaiting the special edition vinyl I had preordered and had shipped directly from her US site, because I hadn’t been able to find anywhere to preorder it in the UK. I preordered her album because I wanted to support her. At that time, Chappell had a pretty modest following and she was very much still running her own socials, regularly posting videos of her and BFF/creative director Misha Spice excitedly hyping the upcoming album and inviting us all to support her project through the important metric of preorders. I was all in! Send me that 40 something dollar special edition vinyl, plus about the same amount again in international shipping Chappell. I needed it and I wanted it. The album for me, the sales for her! We were both winning!!
I bought into Chappell as an independent artist, because I loved her music. It sounds simple when I put it like that. But in reality, it was anything but. There is a line in Chappell’s song Naked In Manhattan that goes “boys suck and girls I’ve never tried”. The first time I heard it I was like, well damn, she said it. I felt it in my bones. Grappling with my own sexuality in a profound way, Chappell’s music was like a bright glittery beacon letting me know that the feelings I’d always had for girls weren’t just okay, they were beautiful and magical and joyful and fun and real. Chappell was singing about exploring her sexuality and experiencing queer joy for the first time. Her raw honesty was so captivating. It was also incredibly affirming. Listening to Chappell reassured me that the way I felt about girls was something I could (and should!) act upon because my goodness it sounded LIKE SO MUCH FUN. Both me and my future girlfriend having a crush on Regina George… yes please! The first time I saw Chappell live Red Wine Supernova had just been released as a single. “You just told me, want me to fuck you? Baby I will cos I really want to” I screamed at the top of my lungs, not quite able to believe my luck. That was Chappell, Chappell, Chappell fucking Roan right fucking in front of me. “I heard you like magic? I got a wand and a rabbit!” every person in that crowd yell sang, queer joy filling every inch of the tiny room.
As I think back to that first Garage show, I’m curious to explore how Chappell’s artistry has developed in the two years since. I feel incredibly lucky to have had a (sadly not quite literally!) front row seat to the once in a lifetime, star is born, trajectory of Chappell Shooting Star Roan these past few years. And, since returning from Paris, I’ve wanted to record some of what I (and Chappell!) have been through ever since I first heard the glorious piano intro to Pink Pony Club back in 2020. One constant through all five of the shows I’ve been to is Chappell’s energy. She is so committed to her art and ever since that first show I have never once doubted that Chappell is a fucking star. Whether the world had recognised it or not, Chappell is special. I’ve always admired her enthusiasm and her commitment, to her songs and her artistry of course, but also to her community. Chappell built a world and a project with and for queer people and we will always love her for that!
The Midwest Princess Tour shows were queer as fuck. You’d have been hard pressed to find more than a handful of straights! Everyone I’ve ever spoken to about the Brixton shows gushes about the palpable queer joy in the crowd, and I’ve lost count of the number of folks I follow online who’ve talked about the room full of queer baddies that they were a part of. Of course as the shows have grown the crowds have expanded to include, as hilariously portrayed by many TikTok videos from genuinely flabbergasted queer fans, plenty of straight folks, some of whom don’t even know that Chappell is a lesbian (have they heard ANY of her lyrics?!) Chappell herself has done everything she can to keep celebrating and centring her queer fans and community whilst welcoming allies into her world. Most recently this has looked like the launch of the Midwest Princess Project, founded by Chappell to uplift trans youth and LGBTQ+ communities through action, care and connection. Icon!
One of the most exciting reveals during the Visions of Damsels & Other Dangerous Things Tour comes during the opening of Barracuda, the Heart song Chappell covers. There is a moment during the deliciously rowdy intro to the song when a sort of drawbridge door thing is veryyyyyy slowly lowered, revealing Chappell standing behind it, wearing her final outfit of the night. Every show has three outfits, each getting progressively smaller(!), but all tied closely together both stylistically and thematically. The Barracuda moment usually reveals Chappell leaning provocatively against one of the many fairytale turret style wall things of her set wearing what is essentially just a (very beautiful and stylised) bra and knickers. Cue: gay panic in the crowd!
Since the very first show I saw, Chappell’s outfits - part of her drag - have been a key part of her artistry. She’s been rocking a pink rhinestoned, fringe-lined bodysuit (aka pop girly uniform!) since day one. It’s been a delight watching as she’s clearly had access to a bigger styling budget (hello Genesis Webb!) and the excellent use she has put it to. In Paris we got a stunning pastel pink and turquoise butterfly look with lots of luxurious velvet and feathers! The outfits always give texture, sometimes theatre kid (hello Jester Roan in Edinburgh) and there is always an homage or a theme or a concept (the Statue of Liberty at the 2024 Gov Ball in NYC was an instant classic). I think my favourite Barracuda outfit reveal came in Reading (sigh!) when we were blessed by what the internet quickly coined Goth Chappell (there were bats involved in the first outfit of the show) and a smoking hot to go maroon and black lingerie style number for outfit number three. At this point we were freshly back home from Paris, watching the livestream at home on the couch. I was in deep mourning that our show was over and I was determined to watch every live-streamed show I could.
Watching Chappell at Reading, I was struck by her poise and confidence as she strutted down from her doorway and began to sing “so this ain’t the end, I saw you again today”. Watching the show on the telly allowed me to get a much closer up view of Chappell (thank you iplayer!) and her power and control as a performer really took centre stage. One thing I’ve learnt over my years as a fan is that Chappell Roan is very much a persona (her regular person name is Kayleigh Rose Amstutz), one that has been fortified and strengthened tenfold in the short time between the Midwest Princess Tour and the recent run of festivals for The Visions of Damsels & Other Dangerous Things Tour. The first time I saw Chappell it was very clear that she was, just a girl. An amazing, talented, show stopping girl, but all the same a real live human girl. She came across as sweet and earnest as she chatted in between songs. At the Garage she covered Alanis Morissette’s You Oughta Know. At Heaven it was Bad Romance by Lady Gaga (oh we were so lucky!) She was chatty as she introduced each cover, telling us a little about what the songs meant to her and there were times during both of those tiny early sets where she spoke very freely and made remarks about how she couldn’t believe she was performing in London. It felt like we got a bit of Kayleigh onstage, as well as a whole heap of Chappell. In Paris it’s all Chappell, Kayleigh is nowhere to be seen. Chappell has chatted less every time I’ve seen her and, whilst I miss catching glimpses of the girl beneath the persona, I love this for her. She deserves nothing more than to keep what she can of herself, to herself.
In Paris it takes an incredible amount of people to construct Chappell’s set. Every time I look towards the stage in the downtime between London Grammar’s set and Chappell’s there appear to be even more folk busy building and constructing and testing. The scale of the set itself is breathtaking, especially when I think back to that first show, where it was Chappell, three musicians, and a whole load of glitter! For Visions of Damsels & Other Dangerous Things Chappell has been given the resources with which to construct something physical through which to communicate her vision. And, my gosh it is something to behold! As I was making my way back to my partner after a between sets loo break, I stopped and took a minute to just watch and appreciate and marvel at the sheer magnitude of the stage being built before my eyes. Wowwwww I thought to myself, hasn’t our girl done well! It’s a strange phenomenon, the birth of a superstar, one that I’ve not been as close to before, and probably never will be again. Watching Chappell go from the Garage to a headline festival set, from a small devoted, mostly queer following to a mainstream audience and from your favourite artist’s favourite artist to (it feels like!) everyone’s favourite artist has been as exhilarating as it has been discombobulating.
At Rock en Seine a constant thought repeats itself… this is the last time I’ll be this close to Chappell. I wondered if I’d ever be able to glimpse her face, other than on a screen, again! For days after the show I felt such deep grief that it was over. It’s the worst post gig blues I’ve ever experienced. And, as I’ve tried to put my finger on why this is, I’ve realised that, it’s a bit of a perfect storm. Chappell came into my life at a very specific moment, when I was exploring and experiencing queer joy for the first time. In a way, and of course I’ll never know the details of Chappell’s timeline for sure, it felt like we were on a similar trajectory when it came to queerness - Chappell agreed that boys suck AND she’d never tried girls either! But then all of a sudden she had, and I had, and we were all singing about it.
The Midwest Princess Tour was a collective celebration of queer joy, but it was also a very individual one that felt like it was just for me. The “this is girlhood” memeification of Pink Pony Club (do not get me started on the Chainsmokers remix!!!) is so far from what the Midwest Princess Tour meant to me. The bigger (and straighter!) the crowds get the more distance I know I’m going to feel from the years where mine and Chappell’s lives felt linked somehow. Of course, I appreciate there was always a parasocial element to this feeling but, even just being in a much smaller room screaming Red Wine Supernova with a bunch of other queer folks made me feel a sense of community that it’s impossible to replicate at the scale Chappell’s project has now reached.
In Paris Chappell is magnificent. I cry and I scream and I sing my gay little heart out. I feel immense pride to be a part of the queer community. I love every single second of the set and I’m already sad that it’ll be over soon. I’m especially taken by the musical arrangements which have been elevated to such an extent the songs sound like I’m hearing them for the first time (live album when?!) The next day, I wonder for the 1000th time, whether I’ll manage to get tickets to the next tour. I really hope I do. But, no matter what happens I will telling anyone who'll listen, for the rest of my life, that I WAS THERE. I bore witness to the birth of CHAPPELL ROAN, a real life, real time, red wine fucking supernova!
